In my head there is a lot going on. Wedding plan stuff, Texas stuff, helping my brother start a lawn care business, jaw surgery, helping out with EPIC, bettering my relationship with God, with Allyson, and with other people. Oh, and house stuff...which there is never a shortage of house things to do! EVER. (Which reminds me I need to turn down the water heater...the waters' been too hot.) So I have all this 'stuff' going on, but I am not good at verbalizing any of it. At least not in any depth. Somewhere deep inside of me there is a fear of being rejected. Of not being liked, of not being good enough, of being dumb, etc... I think that deep seeded fear is mostly what keeps me from verbalizing my thoughts.
Another part of why I have a difficult time, especially with spiritual thoughts, is be I think due to the general population saying that those types of thoughts should be kept private. Not to make excuses for myself by any means. Its just something that I think I have fallen under the influence of.
The first step is recognizing that there is a problem though, right? I don't want fear to run my life. To prevent me from having fruitful, and thought provoking conversations. Here's to letting fear go!
Fear is a hard thing to let go of, but you're right, the first part of change is being aware! prayers!
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